I came, I saw, I'm back.

Men at work?

In front of one of the Long men caves in Luoyang (UNESCO world heritage site.)

I just realized that if you don't want to age then you should always try to cross the date line the day before your birthday and land the day after. I plan on doing so again next year, and the year after, and the year after that and remaining forty-something, forever!

-The Mending Crew-

So many emotions factored into getting ready for this trip. One, I would be leaving my six-year old for almost two weeks when the last time I was going to China was to bring her home. Two, I would be spending a week in a hospital-like care facility with over a hundred and forty orphans most of whom had physical disabilities and, three, the Mending Kids coordinator was asking me to document the mission - which was okay technically since I am a grad of the American Film Institute but as a director, not a cinematographer. I felt a lot of pressure building up on many fronts. Here we were, fifteen volunteers traveling to China: two surgeons, an anesthesiologist, two scrub nurses, three pre-op/post-op nurses, three MKI staff and four moms with varying degrees of volunteering skills and experiences. Seriously, I thought that I would be burping kids and singing songs and rolling around on the floor with them.

-Heroes-

I didn't realize that I would end up in  the operating theater filming the surgeries without passing out or throwing up for hours on end. On another more profound level, I was scared at what my reaction might be to these kids with special needs. Could I connect with them? Would they interact with me?  I, and most everyone of my friends have been blessed with healthy kids (knock on wood) who have no reallyapparent physical disabilities. I've seen kids with disabilities, we all have, but in the past I would be careful not to stare. I'd shoot a quick glance and avert my gaze. Aware but detached. And I know this reads horribly but the truth is I really hadn't spent any quantifiable time trying to get to know anyone and I had no clue about how to behave.

All of this changed over the course of a lightening emotion-in check packed week. I met three kids in particular who touched me profoundly, whose personalities bore a hole into my heart and whose faces and laughter remain there since I had to say goodbye.  This isn't to say that there weren't other babies and toddlers I had to get a daily hug or snuggle with - like Seth who we all fought over to hold and carry and who came off the train from Xian late in the week with a travel buddy who was in dire need of life-saving surgery, or Theo, a little boy who would never walk, who scooted around the room following me and insisting that I carry on with him.

-Seth-

Seth's travel buddy recovering from surgery.

-Theo-

Three little girls: Jaelynn, Jessica and Fallon are the ones whose faces still shine bright when I close my eyes. All any of these children wanted was to be seen and to be heard and to be understood for who they were and not what their bodies were misleading. I'm embarrassed to say that it really wasn't hard at all to get down on the floor and hold their hands and laugh and play. These little ambassadors made me realize that I could have the emotional strength to parent a special needs' child. And don't think that I didn't come home wanting to fast-track them into my life, permanently. The reality is that I just can't right now. I have to get back on my feet and help provide for the two kids that make up the rest of my heart and soul and unless the adoption laws change in China soon, I would have to be married for five years at least and, oh yeah, this future imaginary husband would have to also want to do the same and,oh yeah, I am not so sure that I want to ever walk down that road again. Certainly not after having a taste of what having taking control of the remote like. I'm selfish that way.

-Jaelynn-

-Jessica-

-Fallon-

The only alternative I have in the short run is to become an advocate for two of these girls (see blog links below.)  So if you read posts on the Chinese family groups advocating for a girl with spinabifida or another one with CP, you will know that it comes from yours truly.

Also, part of my other tasks as an MKI volunteer was to blog about our experiences. We did this by sending an email to the PR person in L.A. who then transcribed/edited and posted them into the blog. The links are posted below. I am trying not to repeat myself, which I find almost impossible but in any case, the links also give you access to some of the pictures that I took and sent off. Some of which may also be repeated in this post.

You lose a sense of time when you are present and involved, but time did in deed move forward and at the end of the week, thanks to Mending Kids and the surgeons, doctors and nurses of Cedars Sinai, Los Angeles,  eleven surgeries had been performed (10 boys, 1 girl) and all those children will now become eligible for adoption and hopefully be matched to families somewhere in the world, soon.

Impressions

unexpected visitors

How do you say goodbye?

Is onto the next mission...

My new Facebook ID