Crap

Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life zooming by fifty miles an hour but not actually getting anywhere. I came home with the kids last Saturday and was promptly tossed into the spin cycle. First, because I had to unpack, do laundry, and then repack Jack for a field trip his fifth grade class was taking to Washington D.C for a week. (The fun never ends for him.) We sent him off Sunday night on a sleepover with a couple of his travel buddies. (Mainly because I had no intention of getting up at three in the morning to get him to the airport for a six AM flight and mostly because my girlfriend sacrificed her beauty sleep to take him along with several other kids.) "Buh bye, please brush your teeth and behave," were my parting words. EM's were "I love you and have fun." What's wrong with me? I couldn't step out of my vortex for a minute to take in the picture of my ten year old going off on an adventure of a lifetime with the rest of his class. Ugh.

Then Monday morning came around, I woke up and decided that this was the day that I would no longer put up with pull-ups. The day that I decided to throw myself into potty training Makena.


Yeah, I know, I'm a little slow on the draw.

Her preschool had offered to start the process next week but my ego got in the way. Fast forward to day five... and a whole lot of crap. I am on a half hour "take her to the bathroom" vigil which has been somewhat successful but she isn't really showing signs of telling me when she needs to go. My method works most of the time unless someone calls me and I miss my deadline. It is exhausting and my intention is to win this battle but Makena is posing to be quite a challenge. I'm not sure that she was as emotionally ready for this transition as I was led to believe, because she has become very clingy and whiny in the process and now I am feeling guilty about it all. (While I was writing this, Makena peed all over Jack's carpet.) But alas there is no going back. The train has left the station. I am left to hope that it makes it to its final destination.

Add to this, Jerry (the cat) who came back angry from being fixed and then boarded for ten days. How else can I explain the nice dump he took on Makena's bed (within a foot of her head). I came in to check on her last night and I was assaulted by a very distinguishable smell. The room was dark and I was fumbling around trying to find it (and not step in it) on the carpet and almost landed in it when I sat down on the bed. Yes, it was disgusting. On a positive note, Oxyclean works wonders on stains.


Then, one of our five rabbits (who I was told was female) impregnated three of them. I am overrun with baby rabbits (after Easter) and looking to place eleven of them of varying ages. This is precisely the type of thing that happens when I leave town for more than a week. I'm thinking of going into the manure and rabbit business. It will be a philanthropic venture. So if any of you are interested, please present yourselves RIGHT NOW. They are free. They are cute. They are cuddly. Take two and you can name them Mak and Jack. But most importantly, they are free!

In the meantime, poor Pedro called in sick so I have to go muck the horses. I actually look forward to this shitty job because it's the only real alone time I have around here. Nobody bugs me when I am cleaning up after them. Shoveling it tones my arms and I get to wear the cool goldfish boots that auntie gave me for Christmas.


I feel like I am an infomercial. You know the kind where they offer you something like a set of sponges for $19.99 (plus shipping and handling) and then they throw in the kitchen sink and dish towels. Only this one is hawking something scatological.

Please, someone tell me when this pooping madness will end.

Isabelle, Mistress of the flies

AKA

Is-a-taking orders for bunnies