Emotional baggage

I'm leaving on August 7th to take Jack to see the Great Wall, the Imperial Palace and Tianamen Square because I want to add a little jet-lagg-adjusting-Cultural side-trip to this whole adventure and I just can't get enough of this roller-coaster ride. So now I'm running around town like a chicken with its head cut off wondering what happened? Our rendez-vous with Makena is August 15 and time is running out on me like water escaping through my fingers. It's not like I didn't have an entire year to prepare, it's just that most of that time was taken up by denial. Well now "denial" is knocking at my door asking to play connect-the-dots with my face. I'm stressed and my skin has decided that now is the time to "break out" and shout it out to the world. No one is ever too old for zits, apparently. The plus side to all this is that the acne-faced checkout clerk at Ralphs carded me when I was buying wine! At least he didn't ask me when I was "due." So sweet.

I love traveling. I hate packing. I just reviewed the list of things our agency recommended we take with us and it's numbing. My eyesight was blurry by the time I finished reading the second page because the type was so small.

It's two pages long and filled with a cornucoppia of infant medicines and it doesn't even seriously address what to wear. They recomend that we pack two suitcases. One for the first five days in Chongqing when we are hooking up with Makena and one for the remainder of our stay in Guangzhou. Do I pack a third for the pre-trip to Beijing? Jack even gave me his own packing list which included his PSP, swim goggles and Cup Noodles, in case he didn't find food he liked there. I had to remind him that Cup Noodles are made in China and that he should have known this. It's written right next to the MSG content on the list of ingredients, "Made in China" and he's only been eating it his whole life. Jeez Louise.

My dreams of taking carry-on are insane at best but I am determined to try -- especially know that I don't have to take the instant Ramen.

I'm also beginning to suspect that the amount of baggage one brings on one's travels is directly related to the amount of emotional baggage you drag around with you wherever you go. If you are emotionally secure, you will travel with very little and if you are the opposite, you will travel with a lot. The fear of the unknown makes us want to be prepared for anything and everything. But then we are so busy lugging the "preparedness" around that by the time we've paid the bellhop and gotten the ball and chain up to our room, we don't have the energy nor the inclination to check out the vast unknown. You just order room service and fight for control of the TV remote and hope they offer CNN.

I'm preparing to be "unprepared." I'm buying the stroller in China. I'm buying most of Makena's clothes in China and I'm personally going to wear the same thing several times. I'm told the hotel laundry service is extremely cheap and fast. So as long as I don't bring clothes I'm super attached to, I'll use the service and have them washed often. I'll also try to avoid certain people in my group on certain days so that they don't notice. It's a brilliant plan. I'll also have to avoid my husband on days two, six and twelve. He won't notice. He'll be hiding out in our second room with his Blackberry and jar of Skippy peanut butter trying to avoid most of China. When you're slightly agoraphobic, Asia does not top your list as a travel destination. And I am absolutely taking concealer and waterproof mascara in case I happen to be in the shot when we take pictures of Makena.

Now I'm beginning to wonder if can you be secure and vain at the same time?

Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? I'm in the dark here.

Isabelle