Peace

For as long as I have had Makena in my life, I have been haunted by not knowing where exactly my mother's ashes were finally laid to rest. I needed a visual to bring me some closure and peace of mind and I finally got it. Although I traveled all the way to France with one suitcase, I had a cargo load full of emotional baggage I had dragged along with me for the ride and it was truly psychically exhausting. The day after we landed in Pau, Papi, Mimes and Francois (my cousin's husband) took Makena and me on a pilgrimage to Bizes, in the Pyrenees. I purchased flowers along the way and we had lunch at another cousin's home.

Makena fell asleep shortly after lunch, Papi passed out on a bench and I stood there twiddling my thumbs for a bit wondering whether I should wake either of them to accompany me and then I decided that this should be private.I was scared. I really didn't know how this expedition was going to play itself out so it was with some trepidation that I made my way over to this very old cemetery. When I finally located her plot it was almost anticlimactic. I laid the flowers on her patch of eternity and stood there for a moment, crying.

In the distance I could see the snow swept mountains, the pastures of grazing sheep and the old tombstones and it was perfect. Mom was home, where she ultimately wanted to be, surrounded in death as in life by what she treasured: beauty and family.

When I returned to the house, Makena was still asleep. I laid down next to her and held her.

Is - looking to the future